Old or New?

How do you know? 

I'm new to this whole feelings thing and so when one hits me all of a sudden I have a hard time answering the question: Is this emotion old or new?  Am I feeling this way now because of something that happened a long time ago and what's going on now is just triggering those old feelings?  Or, is this something new? 

Like I said, life is complicated!  Not only do we have to feel all these emotions and learn how to react to them rationally, but now we have to figure out if they're based on the current situation or just echos from the past?  How are we supposed to get through the day? 

Seems like it would be easier to differentiate if I had been feeling things all along, no?  The fact that I'm just learning how to feel things from my childhood seems to be complicating my adult feelings even more.  Or, maybe I just don't know because I've never had adult feelings uncomplicated by an emotionally stable childhood?

 How can I relay all this information to those closest to me if I'm just figuring it out for myself?  Especially when they are going through similarly intense emotions of their own related to now and their own past?  It seems too overwhelming.

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Now the strong part of me says:

That's a cop out. Everyone has troubles.  It would be easier for black people if they were white.  Women if they were men.  Poor if they were rich.  We all have our shit -- that's what makes us who we are.  That's what makes us strong.  Human.  Empathetic.  

Yes, it's hard.  Yes, it sucks.  But, without struggle where would you be?  Without struggle WHO would you be?

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When I watch movies I always get exhausted watching the heroine fight to survive or overcome and I always think to myself, "I would have given up by now. I would just lay down and take a nap."

And, in reality I might do that.  But, eventually I think I would wake up from that nap and continue to survive.  Maybe I am not meant for hand-to-hand combat, but in the end I think there's a part of me that's a fighter.

I will continue to struggle, to fight, to live.  My fight may be less cinematic, but it's no less romantic.  I'm struggling and fighting to find my "happily ever after."  Not that I believe for a second that the struggling will ever come to an end, but to give up is to give up on the idea of happiness....maybe that's why the movie heroines continue to fight?