Recently I found myself upset and feeling like a cliche because I was upset and feeling like a cliche! Ugh... Life is complicated. ;-)
But, c'est la vie! I'm a cliche. What makes me think I'm too important to ponder the same questions that others have pondered? I'm going to take this opportunity to feel one with the rest of humanity and enjoy my mid-life crisis! I'm going to roll around in it like it's a pile of 100 dollar bills!
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I've been pondering the question of the importance of passion in my life. I feel like I have the weigh the benefits of stability and security against the excitement of passion and intensity. Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can't we have it all? Why have we as a people made it so difficult to be happy? We've made the rules so strict...we've made it almost impossible to maintain happiness.
Unless we choose a partner who will work with us through all the different iterations of ourselves. A partner who will allow you to explore yourself; who will allow you to change -- sometimes drastically.
The last few months have been full of change and I suspect the next few will prove to be full of even more while J and I continue to grow into our new selves. I like who we are becoming. I can't wait to meet the final transformed people. <3
I feel so guilty for not calling you more often. I hope you know thatI love you even when I don't call. With working 66 hours a week and having Jackson 40 hours it doesn't leave me much time to do the house work let alone have any me time. This week I am so very tired, I can hardly stay awake. Last day for Jackson to be here this week unless they call as usual and I have him on saturday for some hours. I am so glad that you and J are working together and you have someone to talk things over with. Sometimes I wish I did but that is life and I will muddle thru. I love you
ReplyDeleteI'm learning an important lesson right now that I'd like to share with you because it seems like you're doing things similar to what I usually do.
ReplyDeleteI've found myself resenting people that I give up my needs to take care of. It's extremely hard to turn people down when they ask for help, but if I don't take care of myself, I end up blaming those people for my needs not being met. They didn't ask me to sacrifice my needs to help them; I simply couldn't bear to turn them down and see the consequences that might cause.
I have been working with Rose on a very similar issue. Most of the time I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. I don't want to loose my family but at my age it is very hard to continue on the schedule I am trying to carry. Then there are the people that just always seem to want things from me. I usually accomodate them but with a feeling of anger or resentment. I always wonder why they can not seem to help themselves, but I help anyway. Rose does seem to help but I find myself reverting back to the old feeling of being between a rock and a hard place. aaaahhhh
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