Dubs, in all her wisdom, mentioned the importance I place on The Nuclear Family and speculated that it might have to do with my biological family and feelings from the past. J asked if this felt the way I felt with my mom when she would be close to me and then literally so detached from me that she would be living in a separate home?
All caught up in the moment, I couldn't put all that together, but after a pause and some reckless tears, I was able to step back a half a step and notice where those intense feelings were coming from. Identifying where the emotion was coming from (deep in my stomach where my fear stems from, not my heart where my sadness tends to start) I could somehow tell that it was not a new feeling. This is something I've felt before. And, what's more, this feelings doesn't really seem to have anything to do with now. The fear and pain feel older somehow. Now that I'm out of the moment, it doesn't feel like a fresh wound. I think that whatever happened today just rubbed against it and tore the scab off.
Now I am overwhelmingly relieved. This I can handle. :-)
Iola
ReplyDeleteI am so very proud of you for being able to express your emotions and examine your feelings the way you do. there are so many times that I struggle with this and do not know what the feelings are. I am so very glad that you have J to talk to and understand and ask you the right questions that helps you with what you are experiencing. Personally I think you are a wonderful couple. I love you both and am so happy that you two are together.